Whirlwind

It began with a whirlwind of excitement. I want to change this! I need to change that! No more chemicals! Eat better! Exercise more! Be natural!  Cook more! No more of this! More of that!

Then it shifted quickly into confusion. How do I find the time to cook with two small kids? What IS important and what isn't? How do I find natural things? What are all these ingredients? What should I avoid? What should I look for?

It all boiled down to one question. One thing sparked all of this and is my goal here. What can I do to be happier?

At this point I'm not sure. Somewhere over the years I became high strung. I worry too much and I'm anxious. I let things get under my skin when in the past they'd roll right off me. Things that didn't used to be a big deal suddenly are. I have tried to find happiness in the wrong places. I've fallen into the trap of thinking... "Buying this will make me happy." My happiness has both been created and torn down through the Internet. On one hand I've found an amazing support group of like minded friends who offer words of encouragement and advice. I've discovered amazing things in my community and activities I would enjoy doing. On the other hand I've let myself be distracted from what truly matters. I spend too much time online and not enough time with my husband or children. I get so involved in things that more important things get pushed off.

Looking back most of this corresponds to the birth of my first child and the isolation and fear associated with new motherhood. After all, Google has an answer to every question or worry a new mother has.

Initially I told myself I'd take it one thing at a time but I think there's a better approach here. I've found a few things that are important to me and I'm going to work on them a little at a time simultaneously so I don't lose sight of my goal or become overwhelmed with trying to make something perfect. Life is imperfect and therein lies the beauty.