Reflection

One of the most difficult things I've had to do in this process is take a good hard look in the mirror. One of the things that I really want to focus on improving is my coping skills. I've coped with so much over the years. I know I can handle whatever ball comes my way but there's a difference between productive and positive coping and just being able to cope. I've been doing the latter and it is making me an ugly person.

An honest mistake at a store sometimes ends with me getting very upset and taking it out on a store employee. Kiddo acting like a child (because that's what he is!) involves snapping and sometimes some not so kind words. It ends with gossip and negative words which lead to negative feelings.

I'm trying to remember to take a breath and be mindful.

X spilled orange juice on the carpet. Instead of snapping to "clean it up!" or "look what you did!" like I might have a month ago I take a breath. It's orange juice. It's not going to stain. Even if it did It's not the end of the world. That's what rugs are for, right? Lord knows I spilled much worse things on my parents carpet! So I pause for a moment. I take a breath. "These things happen buddy. Let's learn how to clean it up together! Do you want me to show you or do you want to show me?" We got it clean. We even threw in some impromptu dance moves and X learned the valuable skill of carpet cleaning. More importantly - we had fun. I could have snapped, cleaned up, and then sulked about the fact that I was being a poor parent and partner to my kids. Instead I was more mindful. I let it pass over me.

I like to think about being a rock in a fast moving river. I could be frustrated and try to beat the river - poking out of the river, always struggling and being bombarded by the harsh waves. Or I could take a breath and lay with the water, letting it pass over my body. I'm one with the river. There is no struggle, no argument. Just beautiful existence.

Things Part II

It has been 2 weeks since we purged a bunch of our belongings. I was so concerned about what we would miss. It turns out my fears were so incredibly unwarranted. Not only do we not miss what we purged but we are happier! X plays much better independently. He's content. I think we both felt overstimulated and overwhelmed with so many things. I'm able to cook more, things are easier to keep tidy, and we both appreciate things more. So far it is a huge success! Someday in the not so distant future we will do another sweep (especially of toys and clothes!) and I suspect will be even happier.